If only skies came falling down.....
I would fall down in Aberdeen , buy a few balloons and just like in this movie , would fly back home ....
HOME - a word that has a new found meaning in my being ....probably the only tine in my entire adulthood that my eyes got all watered up at the mention of it. Probably a fleeting , irrelevant emotion in the world right now , but thats where i m headed too...an irrelevant , fleeting world. Even the K3G title song on the Lufthansa radio tugs at the strings of my heart ....it is the first time that i am aware of the distinction between mind and heart.....
What if i create a big scene here and get the aeroplane to land ?
What if my parents die while i cross the Atlantic ...i always thought only death could do us apart ...not such geographical dislocation...i-94 ? what if i don;t fill that up ? but if i really go back would i be failing mom and dad ? what will dad do when i am not around ? what is he doing now ?
even the desperate attempt to imagine hot , naked women doesnt wriggle me out of this irreconcilable damness..it only reminds me of all the sunday evenings that i had at home in all the 24 yrs ...i dont mind writing a half yearly telugu paper....So, yes i am sissy...but no amt of self deprecation is helping as i shamelessly wallow in pain and agony and long to go back to mom and dad...
a pain that is impervious to the spiritual strains of khwaja mere khwaja on the flight radio. Thinking of the more unfortunate alkso doesnt help.
this isnt a state of mind . it is life telling me that i am in deep shit , but since a lot of people have taken this shit before , i have no right to feel anything now..and then the barge of fancy words being thrown at me...'home-sick'...'first time na ?'....I DONT CARE..
i am dying . not a slow death but a quick painful exhausting death which almost feels like each finger being sliced one by one into 3 pieces , skin being peeled off layer by layer with chilli powder and pepper sprinkled all over and into the eyes...shoulders dislocated ,,,legs cut to dangle from the hips while that guy in the office i envy is being given the SMARTEST and the MOST SUCCESSFUL guy in the entire universe.
As tears dry up , mind goes blank ...as the most wasted time of my entire life awaits me and selfishness reaches a new height ....i shall take my mind off me ...involving myself into the lives of these people stuck in time travel.
HOME - a word that has a new found meaning in my being ....probably the only tine in my entire adulthood that my eyes got all watered up at the mention of it. Probably a fleeting , irrelevant emotion in the world right now , but thats where i m headed too...an irrelevant , fleeting world. Even the K3G title song on the Lufthansa radio tugs at the strings of my heart ....it is the first time that i am aware of the distinction between mind and heart.....
What if i create a big scene here and get the aeroplane to land ?
What if my parents die while i cross the Atlantic ...i always thought only death could do us apart ...not such geographical dislocation...i-94 ? what if i don;t fill that up ? but if i really go back would i be failing mom and dad ? what will dad do when i am not around ? what is he doing now ?
even the desperate attempt to imagine hot , naked women doesnt wriggle me out of this irreconcilable damness..it only reminds me of all the sunday evenings that i had at home in all the 24 yrs ...i dont mind writing a half yearly telugu paper....So, yes i am sissy...but no amt of self deprecation is helping as i shamelessly wallow in pain and agony and long to go back to mom and dad...
a pain that is impervious to the spiritual strains of khwaja mere khwaja on the flight radio. Thinking of the more unfortunate alkso doesnt help.
this isnt a state of mind . it is life telling me that i am in deep shit , but since a lot of people have taken this shit before , i have no right to feel anything now..and then the barge of fancy words being thrown at me...'home-sick'...'first time na ?'....I DONT CARE..
i am dying . not a slow death but a quick painful exhausting death which almost feels like each finger being sliced one by one into 3 pieces , skin being peeled off layer by layer with chilli powder and pepper sprinkled all over and into the eyes...shoulders dislocated ,,,legs cut to dangle from the hips while that guy in the office i envy is being given the SMARTEST and the MOST SUCCESSFUL guy in the entire universe.
As tears dry up , mind goes blank ...as the most wasted time of my entire life awaits me and selfishness reaches a new height ....i shall take my mind off me ...involving myself into the lives of these people stuck in time travel.
posted by vigbert at 1:59 PM
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